My co-viewee was put off after finding out that the English title for this is ‘Joy Ride’.
Much less scary, she scoffed.
I’d have to saw that personally I can let this tragedy of a name lie.
If there’s any ‘book’ that you can read by its cover, then it’s a horror... movie. There are basically three types: good, good-bad, and bad. Sometimes, something that looks bad turns out to be good-bad; sometimes it’s the other way round. This, essentially, is the algebra of horror. And this, essentially, was rubbish. Not rubbish in a hilariously-bad-SFX-and-ironical-script’ kind of way, but terrible as in; ‘what-was-the-actual-point’.
To be honest, when I came to write this review I searched google for others, expecting my own words to have been put in a far more eloquently hilarious way than I could have put them. I was wrong. Somewhere between watching Roadkill, and writing about it, most of the reviewers thrown up my search appeared to have forgotten how truly terrible the film was. The most accurately ennui-ic reviews I read are Amazon’s ‘this film is all right (sic)’ and ‘Steve Zahn is a good and sometimes funny actor’.
There are many ways of supporting the argument that this film was, in fact, entirely pointless. For a start, the film is set up as if a potential love story. College guy talks to semi-nude college girl on the phone, college guy is aroused by his by proxy-proximity to her clunge, road trip is arranged. Cheesy-horror love-fest is established and the ending of the movie is already evident – all will die, couple will live, some how this will make up for death of everyone else. That’s not what’s going to happen? Right, so this is going to be a mould-breaking thriller of a movie? No, it’s still crap, they just couldn’t quite manage to pursue the whole love interest storyline. UH reet.
Furthering us towards the point-of-lessness is the female characters in the first place – the male characters are crap, yes. The female characters are something else. The female lead, Vanda, is she of the ‘will they… no… no they wont’ storyline, who vaguely goes missing towards the end of the film. Even less point-fueled is her friend and future room mate Charlotte, who drops in a one liner (along the lines of “aren’t you a big boy. Chortles”, leaves film, we find out later she has been kidnapped, then she arrives at the end of the film -get this- alive. Yes, alive. What is the point of the gratuitous dead girl, if we do not see her being kidnapped, and then she turns out to be alive.
Apparently the original edit of the film had romantic scenes between Vanda and each of the brothers. This might have made the film seem slightly less pointless, but then again thank God we weren’t subjected to any longer looking gratuitously at the cold, dead eyes of LeeLee Sobowski. She's about as plausible as a sex pot as a muller pot with tits.
I’d guess that the people who made this film were relying on it having enough success to warrant a sequel. One of those proper sequels with the same characters and a cinema release. Instead the straight-to-DVD next part came along 8 years later, and with Steve Zahn already having moved on to playing past it white policemen (see: national security) the bells had toled on the chances of him and Walker reprising their college boy and rebel brother roles.
Friday 27 November 2009
Thursday 22 October 2009
A recipe for success
I've been deep in investigation over what makes a blog successful. Mine is obviously at one end of the scale - ie noone knows about it. So from here anything so much as a blog being linked to from another is an indicator of a success. There are some really good ideas and general interest blogs out there.
There is also some total shite. So there are blogs out there who are well liked because they are really good (such as Scaryduck) or because the writer is involved with a well loved project (also Scaryduck with b3ta).
But some of it is contrived or just boring bullshit. Some blogs I'll read and then cringe as if I'd written them myself. So at the moment I'd guess:
total time blog has been running + networking + frequency of posting = POPULARITY.
There is also some total shite. So there are blogs out there who are well liked because they are really good (such as Scaryduck) or because the writer is involved with a well loved project (also Scaryduck with b3ta).
But some of it is contrived or just boring bullshit. Some blogs I'll read and then cringe as if I'd written them myself. So at the moment I'd guess:
total time blog has been running + networking + frequency of posting = POPULARITY.
Monday 12 October 2009
I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.
There are a few things that facebook world can do that the real world cannot.
Whilst having a 'discussion' 'with' a Cambridge lecturer about how dangerous the word 'autonomy' may or may not be when repeated 3 times I was made aware of this little foreign - legal gem.
Under the Sharia law which is upheld in Saudi Arabia a man can divorce his wife by saying the phrase 'I divorce you!' three times.
Thus meaning that in April of this year Saudia Arabias first text only divorce was finalised.
http://af.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idAFTRE5383SG20090409
Whilst having a 'discussion' 'with' a Cambridge lecturer about how dangerous the word 'autonomy' may or may not be when repeated 3 times I was made aware of this little foreign - legal gem.
Under the Sharia law which is upheld in Saudi Arabia a man can divorce his wife by saying the phrase 'I divorce you!' three times.
Thus meaning that in April of this year Saudia Arabias first text only divorce was finalised.
http://af.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idAFTRE5383SG20090409
Monday 7 September 2009
This summer went by way to fast...
I've been writing for a local magazine, hence why I haven't been writing on here. Why give it out for free when I could be er, giving it out for free in print.
I've been to a few festivals which I may write about, this is however seeming to turn into Livejournal so I'll leave it out for a bit.
I started writing a response to a blog from DJ - I haven no idea what happened to that.
Was there a point? No.
Twitter it.
I've been to a few festivals which I may write about, this is however seeming to turn into Livejournal so I'll leave it out for a bit.
I started writing a response to a blog from DJ - I haven no idea what happened to that.
Was there a point? No.
Twitter it.
Monday 18 May 2009
Friday 6 March 2009
Scarlett Johanssons body
I am fascinated that people seem to envision Scarlett Johansson as a role model for the 'normal' woman, and proof that men prefer a larger lady. SJ is probably around a UK 6 - 8. So all it really proves when men say that they prefer her over the average skinny Hollywood starlet is that they'd prefer a skinny girl with boobs and a waist than an overworked-and-malnurished-teenage-boy-at-the-gym look.
If anything she is doing the normal woman a disservice by epitomising an unattainable-for-most perfect figure.
The only way for someone without lucky-bitch genes to attain such a slender but curvy figure would be through surgery.
That is assuming the failure of wrapping your waist in cling film and sweating it out for a few days whilst doing 'I must, I must, I must increase my bust' exercises. I'll let you know.
Yet people are almost constantly harping on to gossip magazines about how she presents a healthy image of the natural woman to young girls and is proof that men aren't quite as shallow as we first thought.
I've spent some time trying to think of the male equivilent and decided that her counterpart may be someone around the Brad Pitt mark. So the equivilent would be saying that Brad Pitt is proof that girls don't go for attractive men. Because Brad Pitt is also quite a talented actor.
If anything she is doing the normal woman a disservice by epitomising an unattainable-for-most perfect figure.
The only way for someone without lucky-bitch genes to attain such a slender but curvy figure would be through surgery.
That is assuming the failure of wrapping your waist in cling film and sweating it out for a few days whilst doing 'I must, I must, I must increase my bust' exercises. I'll let you know.
Yet people are almost constantly harping on to gossip magazines about how she presents a healthy image of the natural woman to young girls and is proof that men aren't quite as shallow as we first thought.
I've spent some time trying to think of the male equivilent and decided that her counterpart may be someone around the Brad Pitt mark. So the equivilent would be saying that Brad Pitt is proof that girls don't go for attractive men. Because Brad Pitt is also quite a talented actor.
Wednesday 4 March 2009
Jeremy Kyle vs. Matthew Wright
Before leaving for work I'll ussually flick back and forwards between Matthew Wright (The Wright Stuff, 9am, weekdays) and Jeremy Kyleface (about the same time, ITV) .
Matthew Wright despises Kyle. Jeremy doesn't really have the same kind of opportunity to bring up any dislike for Matthew Wright. Talking about Matthew Wright doesn't really fit with Jeremy's favourite subjects: Jeremy Kyle and bad fathers.
If you didn't know them as well as I do (ha: student) you'd be forgiven for thinking they were the same guy. They're both run of the mill watery looking dark haired midlife crisises in suits who look like an everyman but you can only actually liken to each other.
Jeremy Kyle likes to be disagreeing yet agreeing with everybody at the same time. By the time he's got to the end of any given sentence he'll ussually have argued for and against the same point.
Example:
The Pratts are a couple who have four children, of whom the paternity of 3 is under question (the other being the product of a known affair)
Kyle "Mr Pratt you are a bad father you don't even pay child support and you represent everything I hate about people, I really like you, I hope you come back on the show"
"Mrs Pratt how can you expect Mr Pratt here to believe you when you've told him there are 4 potential fathers? He knows those kids are his and if he doesn't make an effort then walk away"
"Stay together for the kids but NEVER see each other again"
On the other hand Matthew Wright will argue about anything and never budge in his opinion. Never more so than in his dislike of Jeremy Kyle, posh people and the unemployed. I'm not sure how good an idea it is to target the majority of your audience in your dislike (the unemployed and ladies who lunch) but he gets by.
His format is slightly more sophisticated than Kyles 'give a couple of dole-ites £30 worth of alcohol and see what happens'.
Matthew Wright's format consisting of "public debate" through phone calls to a tired looking blond who makes her living from answering a phone whilst sitting inside a small cube for an hour a day, 15 minutes spent reading the front cover of The Daily Mail and a couple of extreme and opposing views.
Matthew Wright despises Kyle. Jeremy doesn't really have the same kind of opportunity to bring up any dislike for Matthew Wright. Talking about Matthew Wright doesn't really fit with Jeremy's favourite subjects: Jeremy Kyle and bad fathers.
If you didn't know them as well as I do (ha: student) you'd be forgiven for thinking they were the same guy. They're both run of the mill watery looking dark haired midlife crisises in suits who look like an everyman but you can only actually liken to each other.
Jeremy Kyle likes to be disagreeing yet agreeing with everybody at the same time. By the time he's got to the end of any given sentence he'll ussually have argued for and against the same point.
Example:
The Pratts are a couple who have four children, of whom the paternity of 3 is under question (the other being the product of a known affair)
Kyle "Mr Pratt you are a bad father you don't even pay child support and you represent everything I hate about people, I really like you, I hope you come back on the show"
"Mrs Pratt how can you expect Mr Pratt here to believe you when you've told him there are 4 potential fathers? He knows those kids are his and if he doesn't make an effort then walk away"
"Stay together for the kids but NEVER see each other again"
On the other hand Matthew Wright will argue about anything and never budge in his opinion. Never more so than in his dislike of Jeremy Kyle, posh people and the unemployed. I'm not sure how good an idea it is to target the majority of your audience in your dislike (the unemployed and ladies who lunch) but he gets by.
His format is slightly more sophisticated than Kyles 'give a couple of dole-ites £30 worth of alcohol and see what happens'.
Matthew Wright's format consisting of "public debate" through phone calls to a tired looking blond who makes her living from answering a phone whilst sitting inside a small cube for an hour a day, 15 minutes spent reading the front cover of The Daily Mail and a couple of extreme and opposing views.
Friday 27 February 2009
Hunger Strikes - greedy RBS fat cat pockets phat pay packet
So, as thousands of his employees fear redundancy and Mister Taxpayer dips into his ever depleting cash pot in order to stump up £24.1billion to cover RBS losses, Fred 'the Shred' Goodwin has decided he deserves to hang on to his £693000 a year pension.
His punishment for his costly mistakes has been to be awarded an early and lucrative retirement. I wish I'd known about this career plan. Fuck up as hard as you can and retire to the Bahamas with a yacht age 25.
Much of the public opinion has been that the Shredder should concede this fortune. The money would make a dent in the debt he has run up and he has 15 working years ahead of him. With such a massive over sight which has become so damaging surely RBS would have justifiable cause for sacking him.
The government finally decided to take action after Fred's refusal to give up any of his pension by starting procedings to halve the total amount awarded to him. However even with this loss he'll still be receiving almost £1000 a day for the rest of his life. And where is this coming from? The same tax money which has just been used to bail him out.
Those who are sympathetic towards Goodwin should think about what he's actually doing to help his situation. He made a massive cock-up and he has the means to make a large gesture of goodwill to his employees and customers by putting some money towards aid. At the moment he is cutting and running and getting rewarded richly to do so.
He isn't single handedly responsible for the mess but at the end of the day, and as was seen in light of the investigation into the death of Baby P, as the person at the top he had the ultimate power and should take responsibility for the mistake.
Presumably he could get by fairly well on the £5.5 he has earned over the past two years.
Even if Shred kept a cushty amount for himself, maybe £100,000 a year, and put the rest towards paying for his mistakes that could amount to £20million.
The ever irking Katie 'will never find gainful employment again' Hopkins was quick to jump to Shreddies defence. What she lacked in supporting argument she made up for in ridiculous-iosity by responding to the point that this pension could end up amounting to tens of millions of pounds that Fred 'could be hit by a bus tomorrow' and the pension be worthless.
This is the kind of response that if deemed acceptable could be utilised in any argument.
FYI there is an age at which the name 'Katie' is no longer acceptable. Being photographed having extramarital sex in a field is not a career or something to be smug about.
His punishment for his costly mistakes has been to be awarded an early and lucrative retirement. I wish I'd known about this career plan. Fuck up as hard as you can and retire to the Bahamas with a yacht age 25.
Much of the public opinion has been that the Shredder should concede this fortune. The money would make a dent in the debt he has run up and he has 15 working years ahead of him. With such a massive over sight which has become so damaging surely RBS would have justifiable cause for sacking him.
The government finally decided to take action after Fred's refusal to give up any of his pension by starting procedings to halve the total amount awarded to him. However even with this loss he'll still be receiving almost £1000 a day for the rest of his life. And where is this coming from? The same tax money which has just been used to bail him out.
Those who are sympathetic towards Goodwin should think about what he's actually doing to help his situation. He made a massive cock-up and he has the means to make a large gesture of goodwill to his employees and customers by putting some money towards aid. At the moment he is cutting and running and getting rewarded richly to do so.
He isn't single handedly responsible for the mess but at the end of the day, and as was seen in light of the investigation into the death of Baby P, as the person at the top he had the ultimate power and should take responsibility for the mistake.
Presumably he could get by fairly well on the £5.5 he has earned over the past two years.
Even if Shred kept a cushty amount for himself, maybe £100,000 a year, and put the rest towards paying for his mistakes that could amount to £20million.
The ever irking Katie 'will never find gainful employment again' Hopkins was quick to jump to Shreddies defence. What she lacked in supporting argument she made up for in ridiculous-iosity by responding to the point that this pension could end up amounting to tens of millions of pounds that Fred 'could be hit by a bus tomorrow' and the pension be worthless.
This is the kind of response that if deemed acceptable could be utilised in any argument.
FYI there is an age at which the name 'Katie' is no longer acceptable. Being photographed having extramarital sex in a field is not a career or something to be smug about.
Friday 13 February 2009
Testing: Squirrel Crisps... Walker's Brand New Bag
Our local post office stocks the new Walkers crisps flavours so I've been stocking up every time I'm down there. Trying out the new flavours, because that's the kind of crazy/susceptible-to-advertising person I am.
So far my experiments have included the tasting of;
Builder's Breakfast
I was put off by the strong smell of ketchup, but the bizarre and rather disgusting egg flavour kept me interest for about 2/3rds of the bag.
Cajun Squirrel
Well.. I've never eaten or squirrell or had anything cajun flavoured so I don't know about the authenticity of the flavour. I asked a bonafide meat eater and he said that it 'tastes like cajun chicken'.
Fish 'n' Chips
i was hoping that this would just taste like really strong salt and vinegar crisps. this is probably because when I get fish and chips i drown everything in vinegar and just eat the chips and batter. Unsurprisingly these did actually taste of fish. Of all the fish crisps, this is the least offensive. If they'll keep people off the Scampi Fries I'm all for them.
Onion Bhaji
The taste of the onion bhaji... but not it's general bhajiness. This could be argued as a good thing since generally bhajis are soggy.
It says something about the British public that asked to come up with new novel crisp flavours the best they could come up with was 5 forms of take-away and something from a cookery programme.
They have all been fairly vile and I'm not holding out much hope for 'Chilli and Chocolate' either; meaning it's fingers crossed for 'Crispy Duck and Hoisin'.
So there you go, hopefully I've saved somebody out there approximately £2.48 and a few thousand calories.
So far my experiments have included the tasting of;
Builder's Breakfast
I was put off by the strong smell of ketchup, but the bizarre and rather disgusting egg flavour kept me interest for about 2/3rds of the bag.
Cajun Squirrel
Well.. I've never eaten or squirrell or had anything cajun flavoured so I don't know about the authenticity of the flavour. I asked a bonafide meat eater and he said that it 'tastes like cajun chicken'.
Fish 'n' Chips
i was hoping that this would just taste like really strong salt and vinegar crisps. this is probably because when I get fish and chips i drown everything in vinegar and just eat the chips and batter. Unsurprisingly these did actually taste of fish. Of all the fish crisps, this is the least offensive. If they'll keep people off the Scampi Fries I'm all for them.
Onion Bhaji
The taste of the onion bhaji... but not it's general bhajiness. This could be argued as a good thing since generally bhajis are soggy.
It says something about the British public that asked to come up with new novel crisp flavours the best they could come up with was 5 forms of take-away and something from a cookery programme.
They have all been fairly vile and I'm not holding out much hope for 'Chilli and Chocolate' either; meaning it's fingers crossed for 'Crispy Duck and Hoisin'.
So there you go, hopefully I've saved somebody out there approximately £2.48 and a few thousand calories.
Wednesday 11 February 2009
Jeremy Kyle is a...
A petition to get Jeremy Kyle back where he belongs - in sales.
Today in the life of a graduate was punctuated by a visit to the bike shop to get my bike it's 6 week health check, a short visit to the gym and watching Jeremy Kyle with my mum.
It appears that Jezza's getting dodgy knees from all that time spent kneeling menacingly in front of his guests.
The Jeremy Kyle show is one of those shit success stories that happens in Britain. There is no real rhyme and reason. Jeremy Kyle is not a psychologist. He's a DJ. And whilst we're on that note, he's not a TV presenter, he's a radio disc jockey. Stick to what you are (possibly) good at. His ridiculous attempts at appealing to his guests (such as the kneeling and playing a one man good cop bad cup on them) are just about the only thing that makes watching his show bearable.
For some reason their are people who believe that Jeremy Kyle is essentially a good guy trying to help people sort their lives out. It's hard to understand the reasoning behind a show purporting to help people put their lives on track giving out £30 bar tabs to guests who are on the most part there because of drink problems. There is an inherent hypocrisy every time he squeals out 'yeah but you don't care do you. You're just here for the £30 we've put behind the bar'.
Wikipedia has a description of the Kylester as 'seemingly unafraid of reprisal from guests'. I'm sure this has more to do with the bodyguards he keeps standing next to him than any strength of character on his part.
A typical show will go something like this;
Girl: My babby-father 'ees a dickhead
Girls friend: Yeah, dickhead. I heard he licked out Carly from Nettos in t'staff car park.
Jeremy: Oh my, ::turns to crowd::, I'm guessing you all want to meet this so called man who has missed the birth of all three of his children?
::crowd brays as man walks on, girls friend stands up and starts pointing at him, is restrained by bodyguard::
Girls friend: YOU F+++IN' C+++.
Man: This int none of your business you fat trollope. You're jealous 'cause you aint getin' none of this you be all over on me all the time.
Girl's friend: THIS IS MY BUSINESS. IVE BEEN T'ONE HERE PICKIN' UP T'PIECES WHILE YOU'VE BEEN OUT GALLIVANTING AND SHOVIN' YOUR KIDS CHILD SUPPORT UP YOUR NOSE.
Jeremy: Is it right that you've missed the birth of three children and have repeatedly failed to pay child support, is that right, ::turns to audience:: YOUNG MAN.
Man: Yeah, but I had a job like, n like I lost it n tha', 'n now the government are being all like reet shites about it.
Jeremy: You should be ashamed that this woman is sat at home with your kids whilst you ::turns to audience::SNORT COCAINE.
Jeremy: ::kneels:: I liked you'd from the minute you came on young man, you know that, don't you. If you get yourself sorted out we'll take you to meet some footballers, Leyton Orient, what do you think about that? But you've got to show our producers evidence of your child support payments.
Man: I aint even sure they're my kids.
Jeremy: Is this true, YOUNG LADY?
Girl: Yer well there wurr other lads n tha' but I'm almost positive that they're all hids kids. Like at least 20% sure
.
Jeremy: That happened to my brother once, he thought his wife, a ballet dancer, was pregnant, but it turned out she wasn't getting her period because she was anorexic and anyway he hadn't been able to get it up for months because he was a drug addict. It's pretty much the same thing.
Jeremy: We'll be back right after this short break ladies and gentlemen ::winks::, with the story of a young mother whose baby daddy isn't paying child support. Her ex says that he's not sure if it's his kid because there are 8 other potential fathers. Don't go anywhere! ::waves, then turns to the side and starts pretending talk to someone::
Today in the life of a graduate was punctuated by a visit to the bike shop to get my bike it's 6 week health check, a short visit to the gym and watching Jeremy Kyle with my mum.
It appears that Jezza's getting dodgy knees from all that time spent kneeling menacingly in front of his guests.
The Jeremy Kyle show is one of those shit success stories that happens in Britain. There is no real rhyme and reason. Jeremy Kyle is not a psychologist. He's a DJ. And whilst we're on that note, he's not a TV presenter, he's a radio disc jockey. Stick to what you are (possibly) good at. His ridiculous attempts at appealing to his guests (such as the kneeling and playing a one man good cop bad cup on them) are just about the only thing that makes watching his show bearable.
For some reason their are people who believe that Jeremy Kyle is essentially a good guy trying to help people sort their lives out. It's hard to understand the reasoning behind a show purporting to help people put their lives on track giving out £30 bar tabs to guests who are on the most part there because of drink problems. There is an inherent hypocrisy every time he squeals out 'yeah but you don't care do you. You're just here for the £30 we've put behind the bar'.
Wikipedia has a description of the Kylester as 'seemingly unafraid of reprisal from guests'. I'm sure this has more to do with the bodyguards he keeps standing next to him than any strength of character on his part.
A typical show will go something like this;
Girl: My babby-father 'ees a dickhead
Girls friend: Yeah, dickhead. I heard he licked out Carly from Nettos in t'staff car park.
Jeremy: Oh my, ::turns to crowd::, I'm guessing you all want to meet this so called man who has missed the birth of all three of his children?
::crowd brays as man walks on, girls friend stands up and starts pointing at him, is restrained by bodyguard::
Girls friend: YOU F+++IN' C+++.
Man: This int none of your business you fat trollope. You're jealous 'cause you aint getin' none of this you be all over on me all the time.
Girl's friend: THIS IS MY BUSINESS. IVE BEEN T'ONE HERE PICKIN' UP T'PIECES WHILE YOU'VE BEEN OUT GALLIVANTING AND SHOVIN' YOUR KIDS CHILD SUPPORT UP YOUR NOSE.
Jeremy: Is it right that you've missed the birth of three children and have repeatedly failed to pay child support, is that right, ::turns to audience:: YOUNG MAN.
Man: Yeah, but I had a job like, n like I lost it n tha', 'n now the government are being all like reet shites about it.
Jeremy: You should be ashamed that this woman is sat at home with your kids whilst you ::turns to audience::SNORT COCAINE.
Jeremy: ::kneels:: I liked you'd from the minute you came on young man, you know that, don't you. If you get yourself sorted out we'll take you to meet some footballers, Leyton Orient, what do you think about that? But you've got to show our producers evidence of your child support payments.
Man: I aint even sure they're my kids.
Jeremy: Is this true, YOUNG LADY?
Girl: Yer well there wurr other lads n tha' but I'm almost positive that they're all hids kids. Like at least 20% sure
.
Jeremy: That happened to my brother once, he thought his wife, a ballet dancer, was pregnant, but it turned out she wasn't getting her period because she was anorexic and anyway he hadn't been able to get it up for months because he was a drug addict. It's pretty much the same thing.
Jeremy: We'll be back right after this short break ladies and gentlemen ::winks::, with the story of a young mother whose baby daddy isn't paying child support. Her ex says that he's not sure if it's his kid because there are 8 other potential fathers. Don't go anywhere! ::waves, then turns to the side and starts pretending talk to someone::
Tuesday 10 February 2009
roar roar tiger shark
So, I finally got round to watching the first episode of Shipwrecked 2009.
I didn't know if I'd be able to bring myself to watch this season. Going to an audition for it last year put me off watching the last few episodes of Shipwrecked 2008 (and I still don't know who won).
However, the presence of it on SkyPlus+ and the fact that my Dad had surprisingly, not gotten round to deleting it on one of his crazed Sky Plus purging sprees, I broke and watched it this afternoon.
Holy crap, every year I forget how annoying everybody is. Infact, if I recall, the first stage of the audition process was the weeding out the less annoying characters, accents first.
This years founder members have the unusual characteristic of being almost unanimously dire. There is one possible contender for likeability in shark leader Xanthi (?) but it's early days, and there may be some underlying bias on my part since he is a Leeds boy.
The sharks have rhyming names which will presumedly help them in a few weeks time when they write a song which they will try to get released on their return to the UK; eventually resorting to singing it on their lucrative ciruits of student clubs.
Something like;
to the power of the shark... SHARKEY ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!
Xanthi
Holly
Rosie
Sheehee
Mackenzie
we're gonna get YOOUU!
Well, it gives the sharks something to work with for once. They don't have the benefit that the tigers have of a roar to disguise the utter shit-tasticness of their song.
Tigers tigers we are the tigers hear us roar,
roar roar, tigers, tigers,roar, roar.
we will prowl, we will roar, roar roar
yes we said it, now hear our RARR
As always there are some 'major twists' in this years Shipwrecked. This week a team leader was elected. The teams decided on two similar looking guys as their leaders which made watching it quite confusing.
The t-t-tigers chose a model, who in his intro video, stated that he believes his over worked veiny body is an 'added bonus' for the women he sleeps with. He has also taken a vow of celebacy... so far he has been celebate for an entire 2 months and is terribly 'worried' that the female islanders might tempt him. Since as of yet he has a horsey girl and fat wound up 18 year old to choose from he should be safe from women. He is more likely to be tempted by gaystraight heshe blackwhite 18 year old Scouse Oompa Loompa Mark.
The Sharks chose Xanthi (?) a straight acting gay guy from Leeds who er, played football in his intro video. Reminds me a bit of Dom Joly. That's about it.
So the first twist... if you can call the blatantly obvious a twist... was that each team leader had to 'sacrifice' a team mate to the other side for 'at least 4 weeks'. Oh, what a responsibility to put to one person, how difficult it must be, if only he could discuss it with his team mates before making a decision... oh wait... he can. The tigers chose Naganthi (?) because they all hated her, although I think they missed an opportunity to fuck up the Shark's song by sending them Mark. Xanthi chose Holly because he did not think she felt she had bonded with everybody... obviously having misheard her desperate pleas a few minutes earlier to be kept on the island because she was a Shark through and through and felt she'd bonded really well with everybody.
Twist number two (nail-biting) Only one islander is going to see the £70000 this year. Considering this prize is usually split 20 ways - about £3500 each - it's not exactly the biggest loss. I've heard they get paid £60 loss of earnings for each day on the island anyway (totalling approx £5200 for originals) and some of them will be able to make upwards of one hundred pounds by posing in the News of The World, opening supermarkets and appearing at night clubs.
I didn't know if I'd be able to bring myself to watch this season. Going to an audition for it last year put me off watching the last few episodes of Shipwrecked 2008 (and I still don't know who won).
However, the presence of it on SkyPlus+ and the fact that my Dad had surprisingly, not gotten round to deleting it on one of his crazed Sky Plus purging sprees, I broke and watched it this afternoon.
Holy crap, every year I forget how annoying everybody is. Infact, if I recall, the first stage of the audition process was the weeding out the less annoying characters, accents first.
This years founder members have the unusual characteristic of being almost unanimously dire. There is one possible contender for likeability in shark leader Xanthi (?) but it's early days, and there may be some underlying bias on my part since he is a Leeds boy.
The sharks have rhyming names which will presumedly help them in a few weeks time when they write a song which they will try to get released on their return to the UK; eventually resorting to singing it on their lucrative ciruits of student clubs.
Something like;
to the power of the shark... SHARKEY ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!
Xanthi
Holly
Rosie
Sheehee
Mackenzie
we're gonna get YOOUU!
Well, it gives the sharks something to work with for once. They don't have the benefit that the tigers have of a roar to disguise the utter shit-tasticness of their song.
Tigers tigers we are the tigers hear us roar,
roar roar, tigers, tigers,roar, roar.
we will prowl, we will roar, roar roar
yes we said it, now hear our RARR
As always there are some 'major twists' in this years Shipwrecked. This week a team leader was elected. The teams decided on two similar looking guys as their leaders which made watching it quite confusing.
The t-t-tigers chose a model, who in his intro video, stated that he believes his over worked veiny body is an 'added bonus' for the women he sleeps with. He has also taken a vow of celebacy... so far he has been celebate for an entire 2 months and is terribly 'worried' that the female islanders might tempt him. Since as of yet he has a horsey girl and fat wound up 18 year old to choose from he should be safe from women. He is more likely to be tempted by gaystraight heshe blackwhite 18 year old Scouse Oompa Loompa Mark.
The Sharks chose Xanthi (?) a straight acting gay guy from Leeds who er, played football in his intro video. Reminds me a bit of Dom Joly. That's about it.
So the first twist... if you can call the blatantly obvious a twist... was that each team leader had to 'sacrifice' a team mate to the other side for 'at least 4 weeks'. Oh, what a responsibility to put to one person, how difficult it must be, if only he could discuss it with his team mates before making a decision... oh wait... he can. The tigers chose Naganthi (?) because they all hated her, although I think they missed an opportunity to fuck up the Shark's song by sending them Mark. Xanthi chose Holly because he did not think she felt she had bonded with everybody... obviously having misheard her desperate pleas a few minutes earlier to be kept on the island because she was a Shark through and through and felt she'd bonded really well with everybody.
Twist number two (nail-biting) Only one islander is going to see the £70000 this year. Considering this prize is usually split 20 ways - about £3500 each - it's not exactly the biggest loss. I've heard they get paid £60 loss of earnings for each day on the island anyway (totalling approx £5200 for originals) and some of them will be able to make upwards of one hundred pounds by posing in the News of The World, opening supermarkets and appearing at night clubs.
Sunday 8 February 2009
The Lonely Island - I'm On A Boat
This aint Seaworld mother fucker this is as real as it gets. I'm on a boat motherfucker don't you ever forget.
Yesterday film makers The Lonely World uploaded their new video 'I'm On A Boat', featuring US rapper T-Pain, on to Youtube. It comes in advance of their new album INCREDIBAD which is due to be released on February 10th.
The Lonely Island are comedians Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg. Apparently they are all in their early thirties but I find this difficult to swallow, watch their videos - I (finding one of them to be quite attractive) certainly felt like a paedophile.
Together, The Lonely Island's work has ranged from their own projects to directing four videos for the band We Are Scientists and writing for popular American sketch and variety show Saturday Night Live.
As a 'band', their music resembles an American Goldie Lookin' Chain and they use a similar satirical style in their lyrics. They bring with them expensive looking parodies of big dollar American music videos.
I first came across The Lonely Island through a link to the song 'Jizz In My Pants' in the Youtube favourites of Leejaybeats, the creator of the funktastic Willy Wonka Parmesan Remix.
Yesterday film makers The Lonely World uploaded their new video 'I'm On A Boat', featuring US rapper T-Pain, on to Youtube. It comes in advance of their new album INCREDIBAD which is due to be released on February 10th.
The Lonely Island are comedians Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg. Apparently they are all in their early thirties but I find this difficult to swallow, watch their videos - I (finding one of them to be quite attractive) certainly felt like a paedophile.
Together, The Lonely Island's work has ranged from their own projects to directing four videos for the band We Are Scientists and writing for popular American sketch and variety show Saturday Night Live.
As a 'band', their music resembles an American Goldie Lookin' Chain and they use a similar satirical style in their lyrics. They bring with them expensive looking parodies of big dollar American music videos.
I first came across The Lonely Island through a link to the song 'Jizz In My Pants' in the Youtube favourites of Leejaybeats, the creator of the funktastic Willy Wonka Parmesan Remix.
Anna Friel farts
Anna Friel drinks fruit drink and lets out a silent but deadly on Will Ferrell's film set.
In regards to Anna Friel's appearance this weekend on Friday Night With Jonathon Ross weekend alongside Benicio de Toro and Tom Jones. (And let me be the first to admit that I was wrong when I said that I did not get the attraction to Benicio de Toro.)
It was quite bizarre that in her interview she chose to go down the road of telling a 'hilarious' 'anecdote' about letting off a massive smelly fart. It wasn't just that the story managed to slip out like said fart. She visibly made at least three attempts to bring the interview round to the anecdote.
I can imagine that it is difficult to make funny when you're sat across from Jonathon Ross; King Haha of T.V. presenters. I can imagine it would be quite intimidating. So just sit back and enjoy the job of being interviewee and being paid to sit across from Jonathon Ross while he puts his comedic spin on your life. Do not make an awkward attempt at telling an anecdote about farting in front of Will Ferrell.
Asides from a poor attempt at humour, why did the Friel feel it necessary to speak of this? She sure looked embarrassed by the whole situation. Maybe she was worried that she was losing her Northern Lass edge and, finding that throwing in the odd word in a Wakefield accent was failing her, felt that a quick story about female trumping was a surefire way of reminding people that she was still 'that lezz from Emmerdale.'
What is it about the difference between the acceptance of the behaviour of the digestive system of the male of the species and the denial of that of the female?
Whatever, we all know that girls don't have anuses anyway,
My last boyfriend warned me after we started going out that he 'believed the story that girls do not pooh or fart'. I don't know why he felt that it was necessary to tell me this; we got together at a festival after managing to spend an entire week there without shitting in each other's company. However, I guess that some guys really do subscribe to the belief that as soon as the word relationship is used girls put on 20 pounds and stop shutting the bathroom door.
Relatedly: someone at work told me that the definition of 'fart' in the Oxford Dictionary was 'an explosion between the thighs.' I can now informed-edly tell you now that this was a lie.
clipped from www.ratemyeverything.net
In regards to Anna Friel's appearance this weekend on Friday Night With Jonathon Ross weekend alongside Benicio de Toro and Tom Jones. (And let me be the first to admit that I was wrong when I said that I did not get the attraction to Benicio de Toro.)
It was quite bizarre that in her interview she chose to go down the road of telling a 'hilarious' 'anecdote' about letting off a massive smelly fart. It wasn't just that the story managed to slip out like said fart. She visibly made at least three attempts to bring the interview round to the anecdote.
I can imagine that it is difficult to make funny when you're sat across from Jonathon Ross; King Haha of T.V. presenters. I can imagine it would be quite intimidating. So just sit back and enjoy the job of being interviewee and being paid to sit across from Jonathon Ross while he puts his comedic spin on your life. Do not make an awkward attempt at telling an anecdote about farting in front of Will Ferrell.
Asides from a poor attempt at humour, why did the Friel feel it necessary to speak of this? She sure looked embarrassed by the whole situation. Maybe she was worried that she was losing her Northern Lass edge and, finding that throwing in the odd word in a Wakefield accent was failing her, felt that a quick story about female trumping was a surefire way of reminding people that she was still 'that lezz from Emmerdale.'
What is it about the difference between the acceptance of the behaviour of the digestive system of the male of the species and the denial of that of the female?
Whatever, we all know that girls don't have anuses anyway,
My last boyfriend warned me after we started going out that he 'believed the story that girls do not pooh or fart'. I don't know why he felt that it was necessary to tell me this; we got together at a festival after managing to spend an entire week there without shitting in each other's company. However, I guess that some guys really do subscribe to the belief that as soon as the word relationship is used girls put on 20 pounds and stop shutting the bathroom door.
Relatedly: someone at work told me that the definition of 'fart' in the Oxford Dictionary was 'an explosion between the thighs.' I can now informed-edly tell you now that this was a lie.
clipped from www.ratemyeverything.net
 |
Saturday 7 February 2009
Timmy Mallett and how 'I'm a Celebrity...' broke my heart
The short answer to this is: by shattering all the expectations I had of him by appearing on Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and managing to be such a massive twat.
I wanted more than anything not to watch, to peel the retinas from own eyeballs like grape skin and run head first into a wall to try and brain damage his time in the jungle out of my head, but I had to carry on watching. I had to give Timmy another chance. I waited with baited breath for the moment he jumped up from behind some rock or other, chuckling evilly he would scream; "Haha David from Dollar, you cunt, I actually had a reason to be here all along, you're a bunch of cocks, and now I'm off with all the money Ive earnt for pissing off Robert Kilroy Silk."
For me, the pinnacle of despair is the moment at which Timmy drops his pants to impress Ant and Dec with the Speedos he has borrowed off an 80's Eurovision entrant. No doubt he will be selling those on Ebay.
I prefer to remember the Timmy Mallett of my childhood. I'm not saying that I can actually remember anything about him, but I remember the excitement of a WACaday Saturday morning. Of little plastic men being dropped into custard; the burning of toast. I remember too the many confused mornings after it had been axed watching Time Team, thinking that Tony Robinson must be the Mallett.
I saw Timmy Mallett in pantomime a few years ago. He was playing Aladdin, which was fairly bizarre. Pinky Punky turned up in a suitcase and asked if he could go to the toilet. Hilarious.
And still I held on to my childhood love of Timmy Mallett. I even browsed his website and went so far as to contemplate spending money on TM memorabilia. But in the midths of Micky from Eastenders coming on to old people and old people arguing about who gets to sleep on a bus, Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has managed to ruin my retro dream.
clipped from www.virginmedia.com
I wanted more than anything not to watch, to peel the retinas from own eyeballs like grape skin and run head first into a wall to try and brain damage his time in the jungle out of my head, but I had to carry on watching. I had to give Timmy another chance. I waited with baited breath for the moment he jumped up from behind some rock or other, chuckling evilly he would scream; "Haha David from Dollar, you cunt, I actually had a reason to be here all along, you're a bunch of cocks, and now I'm off with all the money Ive earnt for pissing off Robert Kilroy Silk."
For me, the pinnacle of despair is the moment at which Timmy drops his pants to impress Ant and Dec with the Speedos he has borrowed off an 80's Eurovision entrant. No doubt he will be selling those on Ebay.
I prefer to remember the Timmy Mallett of my childhood. I'm not saying that I can actually remember anything about him, but I remember the excitement of a WACaday Saturday morning. Of little plastic men being dropped into custard; the burning of toast. I remember too the many confused mornings after it had been axed watching Time Team, thinking that Tony Robinson must be the Mallett.
I saw Timmy Mallett in pantomime a few years ago. He was playing Aladdin, which was fairly bizarre. Pinky Punky turned up in a suitcase and asked if he could go to the toilet. Hilarious.
And still I held on to my childhood love of Timmy Mallett. I even browsed his website and went so far as to contemplate spending money on TM memorabilia. But in the midths of Micky from Eastenders coming on to old people and old people arguing about who gets to sleep on a bus, Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has managed to ruin my retro dream.
clipped from www.virginmedia.com
 |
Wednesday 4 February 2009
Political Ideologies: Part One: Introduction
The term was popularised by Antoine Destutt de Tracy. It arose from a way of thinking promoted during the Enlightenment wherein it was believed that through a deeper understanding of ideas and reality it was possible to improve the future.
Political ideologies had adversary from the start from both the left and right wing. Right wing politicians such as Napoleon believe this type of politics to be impractical, and to stand in the way of real action; whilst theorists from the left held that ideologies acted as cloak a for classist practises and the institutionalisation of inequality. In The German Ideologies, Marx and Engels held that ideologies represented an abstract and distorted view of relationships within the production process (Marx & Engels DATE).
Political ideologies had adversary from the start from both the left and right wing. Right wing politicians such as Napoleon believe this type of politics to be impractical, and to stand in the way of real action; whilst theorists from the left held that ideologies acted as cloak a for classist practises and the institutionalisation of inequality. In The German Ideologies, Marx and Engels held that ideologies represented an abstract and distorted view of relationships within the production process (Marx & Engels DATE).
Liberalists believe that humans are essentially rational and should be allowed freedom of control over their own lives and futures. Therefore the goal of the left is the development of a just and democratic society; free from exploitation and oppression. They do not believe in intervention unless it is a situation in which an individual may present a risk to others.
In negation to this, the right wing, envisioning human nature as essentially imperfect, believe it to be important for the government to protect individuals and society against them self. This leads the conservatives to favour a more interventionalist and paternalistic form of government. These are the kind of structures which Liberals often criticise for harbouring entrenched class inequalities.
Monday 2 February 2009
Ways to look more attractive
Hunch, constantly.
It does hurt your back but it makes your collarbones look great. Try it - people will be questioning you over your apparent weight loss in no time.
If you feel that you are ready, you can take this hunch on to the next step. If you angle your hunch correctly people will only be able to view your face from above, and you can choose which side of your face in visible for maximum attractiveness-iosity.
It does hurt your back but it makes your collarbones look great. Try it - people will be questioning you over your apparent weight loss in no time.
If you feel that you are ready, you can take this hunch on to the next step. If you angle your hunch correctly people will only be able to view your face from above, and you can choose which side of your face in visible for maximum attractiveness-iosity.
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