Today in the life of a graduate was punctuated by a visit to the bike shop to get my bike it's 6 week health check, a short visit to the gym and watching Jeremy Kyle with my mum.
It appears that Jezza's getting dodgy knees from all that time spent kneeling menacingly in front of his guests.
The Jeremy Kyle show is one of those shit success stories that happens in Britain. There is no real rhyme and reason. Jeremy Kyle is not a psychologist. He's a DJ. And whilst we're on that note, he's not a TV presenter, he's a radio disc jockey. Stick to what you are (possibly) good at. His ridiculous attempts at appealing to his guests (such as the kneeling and playing a one man good cop bad cup on them) are just about the only thing that makes watching his show bearable.
For some reason their are people who believe that Jeremy Kyle is essentially a good guy trying to help people sort their lives out. It's hard to understand the reasoning behind a show purporting to help people put their lives on track giving out £30 bar tabs to guests who are on the most part there because of drink problems. There is an inherent hypocrisy every time he squeals out 'yeah but you don't care do you. You're just here for the £30 we've put behind the bar'.
Wikipedia has a description of the Kylester as 'seemingly unafraid of reprisal from guests'. I'm sure this has more to do with the bodyguards he keeps standing next to him than any strength of character on his part.
A typical show will go something like this;
Girl: My babby-father 'ees a dickhead
Girls friend: Yeah, dickhead. I heard he licked out Carly from Nettos in t'staff car park.
Jeremy: Oh my, ::turns to crowd::, I'm guessing you all want to meet this so called man who has missed the birth of all three of his children?
::crowd brays as man walks on, girls friend stands up and starts pointing at him, is restrained by bodyguard::
Girls friend: YOU F+++IN' C+++.
Man: This int none of your business you fat trollope. You're jealous 'cause you aint getin' none of this you be all over on me all the time.
Girl's friend: THIS IS MY BUSINESS. IVE BEEN T'ONE HERE PICKIN' UP T'PIECES WHILE YOU'VE BEEN OUT GALLIVANTING AND SHOVIN' YOUR KIDS CHILD SUPPORT UP YOUR NOSE.
Jeremy: Is it right that you've missed the birth of three children and have repeatedly failed to pay child support, is that right, ::turns to audience:: YOUNG MAN.
Man: Yeah, but I had a job like, n like I lost it n tha', 'n now the government are being all like reet shites about it.
Jeremy: You should be ashamed that this woman is sat at home with your kids whilst you ::turns to audience::SNORT COCAINE.
Jeremy: ::kneels:: I liked you'd from the minute you came on young man, you know that, don't you. If you get yourself sorted out we'll take you to meet some footballers, Leyton Orient, what do you think about that? But you've got to show our producers evidence of your child support payments.
Man: I aint even sure they're my kids.
Jeremy: Is this true, YOUNG LADY?
Girl: Yer well there wurr other lads n tha' but I'm almost positive that they're all hids kids. Like at least 20% sure
.
Jeremy: That happened to my brother once, he thought his wife, a ballet dancer, was pregnant, but it turned out she wasn't getting her period because she was anorexic and anyway he hadn't been able to get it up for months because he was a drug addict. It's pretty much the same thing.
Jeremy: We'll be back right after this short break ladies and gentlemen ::winks::, with the story of a young mother whose baby daddy isn't paying child support. Her ex says that he's not sure if it's his kid because there are 8 other potential fathers. Don't go anywhere! ::waves, then turns to the side and starts pretending talk to someone::
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