Timmy Mallett and how 'I'm a Celebrity...' broke my heart

The short answer to this is: by shattering all the expectations I had of him by appearing on Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and managing to be such a massive twat.

I wanted more than anything not to watch, to peel the retinas from own eyeballs like grape skin and run head first into a wall to try and brain damage his time in the jungle out of my head, but I had to carry on watching. I had to give Timmy another chance. I waited with baited breath for the moment he jumped up from behind some rock or other, chuckling evilly he would scream; "Haha David from Dollar, you cunt, I actually had a reason to be here all along, you're a bunch of cocks, and now I'm off with all the money Ive earnt for pissing off Robert Kilroy Silk."

For me, the pinnacle of despair is the moment at which Timmy drops his pants to impress Ant and Dec with the Speedos he has borrowed off an 80's Eurovision entrant. No doubt he will be selling those on Ebay.

I prefer to remember the Timmy Mallett of my childhood. I'm not saying that I can actually remember anything about him, but I remember the excitement of a WACaday Saturday morning. Of little plastic men being dropped into custard; the burning of toast. I remember too the many confused mornings after it had been axed watching Time Team, thinking that Tony Robinson must be the Mallett.

I saw Timmy Mallett in pantomime a few years ago. He was playing Aladdin, which was fairly bizarre. Pinky Punky turned up in a suitcase and asked if he could go to the toilet. Hilarious.

And still I held on to my childhood love of Timmy Mallett. I even browsed his website and went so far as to contemplate spending money on TM memorabilia. But in the midths of Micky from Eastenders coming on to old people and old people arguing about who gets to sleep on a bus, Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has managed to ruin my retro dream.

clipped from www.virginmedia.com